I could not wait to board my flight back to Bali.  I was stressed, tired, and completely overwhelmed with life. I sat down for a full 24 hours of travel knowing that when I landed in Denpasar, everything would immediately be better. Except—it wasn’t. Not immediately anyways.

Bali never fails in teaching me valuable lessons. Last year’s lesson helped me come to terms with beginning a new life, while this year’s lesson brought about a hard dose of reality—and tears because my throat was literally on fire. So here we go:

Let Go, Love Bali

I have tonsillitis. Actually, let’s rephrase that. I have tonsillitis…. in Bali…. And if we are being honest, it’s pretty much my fault. I understand that’s a bold statement, as nobody ever chooses to get sick on purpose—but as I laid awake patiently waiting for a café to open, I realized I shouldn’t have let it get this far.

Several years ago, I picked up a Giving Key. For those who are unfamiliar, Giving Keys are necklaces. The beauty behind the necklaces is that the keys represent people, flawed, yet one-of-a-kind, and are stamped with daily inspiration to carry us through seasons of life. Once worn for a period of time, you pay it forward by giving the key away to someone who needs it more.

My phrase was “Let Go.”

Why?

Because I can’t. I overanalyze. I overthink. I overwork.

I will be the first one to tell you that I am an ambitious workaholic who will run herself into the ground making sure that everyone else is ok. All the while, I still consider myself to be incredibly blessed. I am doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing (or so I thought), and I worked very hard to get to where I am today. Most people don’t necessarily have the opportunity to do life over, and at the age of 27 I restarted, everything.

Even though I restarted, I still held on to a few things that haven’t necessarily allowed me to be at peace moving forward. I never “let go.” For example, I didn’t allow myself the opportunity to think about what I actually wanted in my new stage of life. I was still going through the motions and doing what I thought I should be doing based on society’s standards.

The school year restarted, and I was teaching three subjects. If you are not familiar with the education system, three or more subjects is absurd. You can’t possibly excel because there is not enough time in the day. I left defeated daily because I thought I was doing a disservice to my students—always.

In addition, I was approached to coach lacrosse—in a way that was like if you don’t coach, you aren’t doing enough for the school. I loved teaching, and I loved my students more than anything. I couldn’t fathom the idea of letting the school down, so I said yes to coaching.

What. A. Disaster.

Not because of the girls. My lacrosse players were some of the best parts of my day. I simply could not breathe. I was up at 6 in the morning teaching until 4 in the afternoon, coaching until 7 in the evening (later if there was a game), and then I came home to run a business. Most nights I was up past midnight.

Ventre’s Adventures morphed into something much bigger than a passion project. This, again, was my doing because I am an overachiever. The request for trips increased and the pressure to stay “relevant” on social media amplified. I still am completely taken aback by the amount of support my company received, and I am so excited about the direction that it’s going in. However my excitement increased my workload. Most people think that traveling is easy. Y’all—leading trips is not a vacation. In fact, I work during my vacation days. That’s typically when Ventre’s Adventures departs.

As I left for Bali, things began to crack. My eighth year of teaching took a massive toll. By February, I knew that I needed a career shift, but I worried about abandoning my students. Seriously, I never allowed myself to catch a break.

Personally my life was messy too. I was lonely. I lost many friends. Partly because I worked so much, and partly because I couldn’t relate to people anymore. I’m not married. I am chasing two careers at once, and I find solace on an airplane. Dating—nonexistent. I have been on some disaster dates all ending with the synopsis of me as overly ambitious woman with a big personality that travels more than necessary. Thank you, next.

I’m not complaining. That’s not what this post is about. I chose this. All of this. I wanted to accomplish so many goals and to adventure to far off places. I just stopped being proud of myself in the process. I was overthinking and overanalyzing everything. I became too intimidated to tell my parents that I wanted to change careers, too scared to tell friends that I needed help, and too worried about letting people down.

Fast forward to me dying at my Airbnb in Canggu, and we are officially all caught up. It was 4:12 am. The earliest café opened at 6:00 am, which meant that I had 2 hours to entertain myself before I could eat and take the antibiotics.

It was in that moment of solitude that I realized my life needed to change, again. I didn’t want to be intimidated, to overthink or to overanalyze. I began to tell people how I felt, immediately. From a poke bowl lunch, to tearful phone calls to friends, to a stressful conversation about a career change, I put myself out there. I let go.

Were the conversations hard? Absolutely. Did some of the conversations crash and burn. Yes—but each time I began to feel a sense of relief, a sense of happiness.

Before returning to Atlanta, I watched the most beautiful sunset with that rare kind of company who appreciated everything about me, flaws and all. As the sun was fading, I remember hearing, “Bali must love you because she is giving you a stunning goodbye.” Smiling, I couldn’t help but think I actually love myself too.

So that’s the lesson.

Let Go.

Have faith in whatever will be will be, but fight like hell for what you want. Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you. The people who are meant to stick around will. The people who don’t are doing you a favor.

Be fearlessly authentic. Allow yourself to chase your dreams and choose your happiness. Have those tough conversations. Lay it all out there because life is too crazy and too short for you to miss out on something amazing.

Oh—incase you’re wondering, I have officially passed on my Giving Key.

To whom?

Well let’s just say it’s the rare kind of company I hope to reunite with again soon. Until then, I’m doing my very best to let go.